I thought I would be “good” at being pregnant

Before actually getting pregnant I assumed I would tackle the task as I have everything else in life and that I’d be greeted with success. My hard work has paid off for me in most cases and I consider myself resilient and strong. I’m also fortunate in that I have no allergies, no skin sensitivities, and no real medical conditions. I’ve always seen my body as high functioning. So when I pondered things such as morning sickness I figured I wouldn’t suffer much. And if I did, I’d just power through like I typically do when I’m sick (which is rare). I imagined myself being active, eating well, and glowing.

HA. Holy hell was I wrong. I have STRUGGLED. At 26 weeks I am still on an anti-nausea medication. I was finally prescribed one when I went into my 9 week appointment and had lost 15lbs. I started at a healthy height to weight ratio and did not have 15lbs to lose. By then I weighed less than I did in high school, and I’m currently in my 30’s. Not great. As I’ve read through pregnancy books and the lists of possible symptoms I find myself thinking, “Yep. Check. Got that. That too.” I’ve checked almost every box. Acne? Yep. Face and back. Runny nose? Check. Nose bleeds? Those too! Linea nigra? Uh huh. “Mask of pregnancy?” You got it. Of course I also have the typical exhaustion, aches, and pains. Because of how awful I’ve felt I have FAILED epically at any sort of regular exercise. At this point I’m proud if I take a short walk 3 times per week.

It’s been a total shock to my system. Not just my body, but mentally as well. It’s been a huge learning experience in humility and letting go of control. I was so sure that I’d be “good” at pregnancy, that I’d be one of those women that make it look easy and glamorous. I could not have been more wrong. And in this I have a much greater respect and understanding for any women who has ever carried a child. This s*** is HARD! Even the strongest, most determined women don’t get to choose how pregnancy will affect them. From what I can tell it’s a total crap shoot who gets what.

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